note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
