Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
