i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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