my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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