This is not my ceiling
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
