dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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