Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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