matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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