I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
