She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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