Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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