When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
