Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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