dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
