Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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