Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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