This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
