she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
