he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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