If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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