While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
wow bdsm is so cute
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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