elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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