just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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