fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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