I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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