Rock
Scissors
Fuck
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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