this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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