Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
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I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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