Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
