i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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