Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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