Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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