I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
