so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
