Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
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He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
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Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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