You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
