I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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