He had one of those small greek statue penises
I checked into jail on foursquare
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize