My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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