the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
