She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
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Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
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I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize