You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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