Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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