I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Never underestimate the power of titties
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
