There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
