If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
