The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
