Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
