Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
