I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
