You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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