he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
