my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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