Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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