What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
