Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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