first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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