I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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