I like my sex mixed with concussions.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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