I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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