I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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