well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
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Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
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It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
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So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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