One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
