Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
