thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just had sex on a roof
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
