Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
