apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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