It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize