For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
