hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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