Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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