i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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