I wanna bring you to show and tell
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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