Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
