once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
