The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
