I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my shit smells like andre
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
