i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize