are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
People in love make me want to vomit
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
