i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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