You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
