dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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